A Broken Wing: Letting Go & Live My Life 2 The Fullest!

There were stories among my father's side of the family that my great-aunt died of a broken heart the week after her husband of 50-something years had passed on. That was when I realized the truth about true love; love is not about being with the person everyday, love is when you cannot live without each other.
That's the case with my great-aunt, they had an amazing love life and she could not go on without him. It was disheartening to watch her tears constantly streaming down her face. Finally on the 7th day after my great-uncle's funeral, she passed on in her sleep. At that moment, I firmly don't believe in "till death do us part." She had happily reunited with her soul mate. 

Life by itself is a roller-coaster ride. Sometimes life will pull you down and sometimes life will lift you up, embrace it regardless even though you despise its downs.  My first marriage also has its ups and downs but it was quite a ride. And even though I loved him, I was not in love and I was not happy. I asked myself the question, "If my husband were to die tomorrow, would I grieve just like my great-aunt did and miss him so dearly that I would not have the will to live?"  From deep down, I was shocked to find an honest answer and the first thing my heart said was no.
Being the good girl that I was, I stuck with this marriage the best I could. Until my ex-husband gave his heart to someone else. My world came crashing down on me and I've never felt such despair. All this time I've wanted to leave him, but I did not expect this roller-coaster come to a screeching halt. Not like this.

Being a symbol of the dragonfly that I am; free-spirited, open to anybody, adapt to change and affectionative by nature. I felt as if my wings had broken off, not having a clue what to do or where to go next. My only solace was this one song, "You Set Me Free" by Sandi Patty and it kept repeating in my head since the day of my heartbreak. Because I wanted to be free of the pain, anger and disappointment. Wonderful friends tried lifting my spirit by taking me out for some nights of 3-D's (a girlfriend code for dining, drinking & dancing), but I wanted to share it with someone meaningful.

One night as I fell asleep and had a vision. In that vision was a mirror, hanging on nothing. As I approached the mirror, saw an image of me and my other self was speaking to me. "If you want to fly again and be taken to places where God can lead you; you must first let go." As I looked away from the mirror, a swarm of beautiful dragonflies came circling around me. All in different colors and size. With wings fluttering like a hummingbird, two dragonflies approached me. One with wings of green and another beside it was purple. Green represents balance, peace and healing. Purple is for becoming as one in spirit after finding true love. I was fascinated and was siezing the moment. Abruptly, I woke up with a dead-on hangover and it was my cat pawing me on the shoulder in demand of breakfast. Rubbing my eyes, I looked across the room to see an 8x10 photo hanging on the wall. In that frame was the "happy couple." Something inside of me clicked and I understood the vision. That night I took the picture, a foil pan, matches, candles and two empty disposable water bottles. In my pocket carried two precious metals. Drove down to the beach some 45 miles southwest of Tampa, Florida. It was dark and pitch black with waves crashing on the shore. The perfect spot to be alone to cry, I sat down and arranged the items in order to light candles first. In the foil pan are bunches of twigs, sticks and dry grass lit on fire. I lifted up my prayers, sought to the stars for some answers and breathe in the wind blowing on shore. A handful of sand filled up the water bottle halfway. Ripped the photo in half, separating the couple and rolled up my half to be placed in the bottle with the sand and my wedding ring. The other half being placed in the bottle without sand and his wedding ring (and some rocks). Both caps closed shut. I threw both bottles into the water. This is to signify the separation for life and to never reunite. This is also my expression of accepting the death of a marriage, an irony to the traditional form of "till death do us part."

After having done that, I felt the emotional bricks being lifted. And spoke to myself that I am ready for change, a new life and give my time for others. I laid on the beach, staring at the moon and stars. Thanked God for His grace and overwhelming comfort. The candles burned out and the sun was shining behind me. I knew it was time to go. I praised myself for finding renewed strength and courage to mend my wings. I can now fly and enjoy life again.